Monday Attitude Adjustment Story # 147

Miscellaneous Catch up Stories #1
I must update a few things for you to set the stage for future MAAS stories (and to ensure they make sense). For my first update I will have to discuss my three Brothers’ attempt to form some kind of depraved “Disabled Super Heroes Crime Fighting Club”. Consider my Brother Van,
who appears to be devoid of any, obvious maladies that afflict the rest of us, until he regales you with his rendering of that old Kirk Douglas classic song from Walt Disney’s 20,000 Leagues under the Sea; “Got a whahe of a tahe to tehh you wads…” and then you realize he is perfect for the “Elmer Fudd as the leader” role. Of course for him to serve in this capacity, I must necessarily relinquish all my elder brother privileges, but that actually amounts to nothing for this particular group. Now there is a leader for this conglomeration, so we must concentrate on adding the actual, working participants.


As those of you who know my youngest brother Bill might be aware of, he is aiming for the “Man in the Waffle Mask” opening…if you have seen his recent Head gear. In case you missed it, here is it:.I personally believe he is a shoo-in as long as he keeps sending us Loooong View pictures of himself to make sure we can’t detect the tube shoved down his throat he must wear at all times. No, it is not due to the re-missive cancer but as I warned him against, “Bill, whatever you do, do NOT piss off your doctor”. Of course he listened to my advice, as he always did as a kid, and told me to “Pound sand where the sun doesn't shine, bro”.


The next Brother attempting to “Break” into the club (sorry for the pun but you know how I adore them) was my middle of the pack brother Grant. I believe he was practicing for the “Commander Kangaroo” slot by constantly leaping into his chair on one leg. He is now lying on his bed with a cast up to his crotch, so he will probably be appointed to the “Now I have to work in a bed, on a laptop” group sub-heading. He requested that his Brother Paul (me), along with his youngest son Ryan, father to Paul’s Grandson, Stephen, be included into the group to establish his own personal “Nerd Herd” posse. However, I am here to tell you that only I, the oldest sibling of the Helen and William Garber brood of four, am the only qualified member of a herd of any kind…If you restrict membership, as it is, to the calculated tonnage of beef “on the Hoof “.


Finally, I know that my youngest sister (in the sibling sense) Elena, will be chomping at the bit to enroll in this “Band of Brooders” group. But I am afraid Little Sis, that you do not possess any of the required deformities to be inducted into this “Hall of Shame”. Sorry, but you still have time. Unlike the rest of us old farts, you still have the best years of your life ahead. Unless, of course, you decide to take any of the paths that were chosen by your idiot Garber brothers. Give Beverly, Corrine, Lauren & the soon to be delivered little Lauren our love.

Next week's 07-05-2010 (#148) title: Miscellaneous Catch up Stories #2

Get all your facts first

Sheppard Smith Chastises Judge Napolitano on BP:
On June 24, I watched with disgust as Judge Napolitano attempted to explain to Sheppard Smith, on his FOX News Show, that although BP is responsible for the oil spill, they are hardly the only participants responsible for the Gulf Disaster. In an emotional display of Liberalism, Smith demanded, how the judge could possible defend BP.

Here's my take (Known Facts):
#1 - The Judge was right about the $73 million Cap of Limitations on all Oil Companies for cleanup costs due to any oil spill. Exxon had spent 2.1 Billion dollars on clean up of the 1989 spill.
#2 - This limit caused oil companies to become lax concerning spill safety measures because they realized the [relatively] small responsibility limit left them in a good crisis, cost versus revenue situation.
#3 - However, to receive a cap on limits, as they requested, the oil companies had to agree to allow the Government to dictate where they could drill.
#4 - BP had indicated they wanted to drill in 500 feet of water but the Government said that Environmentalists had declared that to be dangerous, so they were forced to drill in Deep water for "Safety".
#5 - As the Judge also stated, Russia had four deep water well leaks and fixed them all...by exploding them. BP wanted to try this, but again, the Government said no...too Dangerous.
#6 - As I write, there is a Nigerian ship sitting in dock awaiting the Government's permission to allow it to operate in the Gulf for skimming purposes. This ship has the capability to skim huge amounts of oil.

The story is that the Dutch offered their Skimmer ships to help the clean up process, but have been told "no thank you" either by the EPA or the Jones Act which was waived in the aftermath of Katrina.

Here's the May 4 Story from the Netherlands which Documents the Dutch offers for help.

Here are my observations:
I do not in any way think that this Oil derrick was intentionally blown up by either BP or the Government, but the roadblocks to rectifying the dilemma that continues to pollute the Gulf only serves to ruin the US Economy and give credence to the supporters of "Green Energy" that "Cap and Trade" (or as I like to refer to it: "Crap and Tax") is our energy solution. Well, that is a load of crap and Obama will now use the excuse that bigger government is needed to fix our economy...which is also crap. Has anyone else noticed that there have been quite a few providentially timed disasters as far as this President is concerned? Well, I for one do NOT believe in coincidences.

Disparaging General McChrystal's Public Comments:
First I would like to state to everyone saying that President Obama HAD to fire the General and/or agreed with that firing, the only quote attributed to the General himself was directed towards Joe Biden and his asinine assertion that the withdrawal date is absolute. Why is it asinine...because it is about 15 months away and the final deployment of the 30,000 troops Obama gave McChrystal will not be completed until September this year. The date gives the Taliban an advanced "notice of eviction" so to speak. The President did not HAVE to fire the General for comments made by his staff; a severe public tongue lashing would have sufficed. Didn't Harry S Truman give MacArthur the courtesy of this action before firing him when he said much worse about the President? To the General's credit, he took the blame and made no excuses. Did anyone attempt to question why the General would have had his resignation in hand when he reported to the White House? Could it be he had already talked to the President about muffling "Louie the Lip" Joe Biden and had been denied? Someone should certainly impress upon this Joke of a Political figure that "Loose Lips Sink Ships".

Here's my take (Known Facts):
#1 - Obama did not give McChrystal the Troops he had wanted.
#2 - Obama did make McChrystal wait on the tarmac for their first meeting.
#3 - Obama did not meet with his General for any updates on progress or problems.
#4 - McChrystal had been taking heat from Congress about the progress of the war.
#5 - McChrystal had better relations with Afghans than the White House.
#6 - General McChrystal was restrained by the Rules of Combat that will be relaxed for General Petraeus.

Here are my questions to you:
Can any of you tell me for sure that the General hasn't asked for more resources via channels and had been denied?

How many times had Obama dissed the General in McChrystal's mind?

How many times had McChrystal requested progress and/or problems meetings with the President and been denied?

How many times had the General requested the White House to muzzle the Veep?

I believe that General McChrystal fell on his sword to protect his troops and made a pact with Obama for the benefit of his troops. I think it went something like this: Mr President if you will relax the Rules of Engagement for the troops; make Biden's comments about the "hard troop withdrawal" irrelevant; consult with my replacement (and he should probably be Petraeus) about progress and issues and finally display a modicum of respect towards my replacement, I will tender my resignation. However, if you renege on your promises, I swear I will go to all the media outlets and tell them the real story.

Monday Attitude Adjustment Story (MAAS)

In MAAS 145, I left you where I had been escorted into the Emergency ward. I didn’t think the place was really that busy since they found a place for me right away. However, it wasn’t too long before I found out that Police Officers have a dry sense of humor. There were really only three other patients when I got there but I think all must have escaped from the Loony bin. One was a woman who was locked in a room walled with rubber padding who kept moaning “Why am I strapped to the bed?” and “Someone please let me loose”. I could hear the scuffling of a nurse’s shoes as one would drag herself into the room and sarcastically answer, “Like we told you before (sigh) not until your family comes”. The other two were both men. One was handcuffed to his bed and didn’t say too much; just every now and then would complain that he had to go home to feed his dogs. The other guy, I could hear but not see because the curtain blocked my view, but it sounded like he was traveling all over Emergency talking to any poor soul he could entrap into listening.
The nurse came and looked at my foot and then after vomiting profusely, tried to draw blood for testing. Why…I don’t know since my foot was leaking like a sieve, but after trying four times (twice in each arm) she called for the professional blood sucker. All this time, Sylvia was standing at the foot of my bed and even though there was a chair in the empty nook right across the aisle, she declined to sit down. Then the head vampire came in to use a drill bit on my arm that was made for digging the Chunnel. He got a blood sample (spilling a quart or so on the floor in the process) and attached an IV to the gaping hole. It was when the nurse came to take an EKG and had to move the curtain back that I saw why Sylvia had refused to sit down. I saw the cowboy who was galloping around and he was using the standard issue Hospital gown (you know the type that leaves your backside exposed to God and country). I couldn’t tell whether he was wearing extremely soiled jockey shorts or just had a hairy derriere, but I chided my loving wife of nearly 40 years and made her sit down, away from the floor show.
Now I was attached to a vitals monitoring device and a doctor, accompanied by a nurse, inspected my injured foot. He kept apologizing for the pain he must be causing me and I kept telling him that my neuropathy left me no feeling anyway…over and over as he washed it out and repeatedly to the nurse as well when she bandaged it tightly (being diabetic they did not want to take chances with stitches). All through this medical treatment I kept hearing the three stooges until I saw the female cast member walking by; tethered to a portable IV with her family trailing behind her. Once I saw her brood, I knew why she had to wait so long for them to arrive. It had to take them a long time to skedaddle down from the hills. I could hear the shackled man still pleading to be sent home because he had dogs to feed. Later I heard that they had to wait for his blood alcohol to dip below the legal limit or at least under the highest rating on the Richter scale. I also found out that he had a wife and about seventeen hundred children all below the age of 6, but he was only worried about his dogs. Maybe that was why he was so pickled in the first place. The Peep Show provider was gone by the time I was released and I asked where he had gone. I was told he wanted to walk home but he lived in Ravenna, so the police said he could only leave if someone would pick him up or pay for a taxi. He said that his wife had left him taking his car and he had spent all his money at the bar. The staff quickly too up enough money to pay his way to Canada and instructed the cab driver to do so. All in all a very interesting trip. Oh, I almost forgot…since Sylvia couldn’t smoke on Hospital property and there is no smoking allowed in our car, Sylvia pulled into the first parking lot to smoke a cigarette…and discovered she had left them at home. Being the heartless, cruel scum that I am, I laughed hysterically all the way home.


Next week's 06-28-2010 (#147) title: TBD

Oil Spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico

On May 27, 2010, 37 days after the explosion, President Obama told reporters Thursday

...BP is responsible for what he called a "horrific disaster" that began when an oil rig exploded April 20, killing 11 workers and rupturing an undersea well.

Why was BP, who supplied 6 of the 126 workers on the rig, the only company mentioned when other players were deeply involved like; the owner of the rig, Transocean Ltd, who supplied 79 workers; contractor Halliburton, who supplied 41 workers; MMS the regulatory agency that was watching porno instead of the drilling operation and the US Government who issued the order to drill in deep water in the first place. The US Government was granted the power to establish where the Oil Companies were allowed to drill when they legislated a Liability Cap for oil companies as part of a deal brokered after the expensive Exxon Valdez incident. On June 16, 2010, 57 days after the explosion, our president finally met with BP's chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg & other executives, for the first time; duration...20 minutes were allotted by President Obama for what he labeled "The worst environmental Disaster America has Ever faced" yet he allotted 90 minutes for lunch with Joe Biden. The results...BP will not pay dividends for one year and have established a slush...err...trust fund of 20 Billion dollars that will be controlled by an "Independent"; Kenneth R. Feinberg. Since BP is in Bed with the President on "Crap & Tax", or as this administration calls "Cap & Trade" a system of selling smoke without the use of mirrors, they stand to make more from that "green" legislation then they have to pay in restitutions. Is this oil spill an event that the Progressive members of Government will use, as per Rahm Emanuel, as s crisis not to be wasted? I guess it just takes our focus from our Border problems with Mexico; the Middle East fiasco caused by our government not supporting Israel and the financial ruin this administration is leading...no make that driving us towards.

Although Mr. Feinberg seems to be an honorable man, he is the "Pay Czar" for the Obama Administration and appointed by Mr. Obama to administer this restitution fund; therefore he is obligated to the President and therefore not hardly independent. If Mr. Feinberg denies monetary claims, they can protest to an undefined "group of three" and if that brings no result, they can always sue in court. Nothing new here, but how is this mysterious "group of three" chosen and by whom? Also, listening to Congress grilling BP's CEO Tony Hayward the next day, you would have thought that he was personally responsible for the entire incident and took it upon himself to drill in deep water. Rep. Bruce Braley (D–Iowa) even had the nerve to ask him if he felt that the President "had shaken him down" in the concession meeting on the previous day and also if he thought the $20 billion fund was a slush fund. What does either question have to do with the purpose of the congressional investigation?

Let us review what has happened; the US government instructs BP to drill in water deeper than any has been previously drilled. The US government under George Bush is accused by the Democrats of being too close with the oil companies, but cozies up even closer to them under Barack Obama. Thirteen countries offer to help our government plug the leak and are all rejected and dismissed. The US president lets almost two months elapse before meeting with Head Executives of BP to demand that they set up a pool of money which is not only illegal under Judicial Law but also is unconstitutional. The Obama administration has done nothing to help plug the leak but have wasted more of the taxpayers' money in a display of crude and vulgar "divert all attention away from us to make us look like we are blameless and genuinely concerned citizens" side show.

I can say that I have never been ashamed of my country before but I am now. I am not apologizing but I am disgusted with the "Al Capone-like' tactics that this administration has been using. I am appalled at the direction this group of "gangsters" is herding our country; the direction of Cuba, China; North Korea; the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany; a Socialistic Oligarchy or Dictatorship. And I am sick to my very soul about the way these Progressives have systematically ignored our Constitution; assaulted our faith and propagandized our children. I only pray that our country can recover and still be able to freely vote in a fair election and not trade our Republic for a Marxist Dictator.

Monday Attitude Adjustment Story (MAAS)

I figured that since the world (and especially America) is in such poor shape that I should find some way to share my "true" life stories with you & since I am close to publishing my second MAAS book, this might prove to be an excellent sales pitch tool. While I don't have enough time to compose a story worthy of sharing by next Monday, I thought I'd just re-publish the last MAAS I had written before suffering a total system crash last year (maybe my computer had been trying to tell me something and I was just too stupid to pay attention?). Anyway, for those who missed it, he is Part I of my hospital trip to St.Thomas emergency after a fall. Pay no attention to the dates listed; I left them in only for a time reference and will update them for the next issue.
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Trip to Bountiful…er… St Thomas Emergency
Last Wednesday night I had to make one of many nightly excursions to the restroom and on my return voyage, just before reaching the safe haven of my bed, I fell to the floor. I will not relate all the sordid details behind my trip to carpet city, just suffice it to say that I landed on all fours and got back into my bed without any help from anyone. I did however; awaken the entire household (except for my 13 year-old grandson who has become oblivious to these kinds of ominous sounds) as well as causing great consternation in the Ohio department of seismology until they discovered it was not another earth shattering seismic event. Unlike other experiences, I raised myself up fairly quickly into my bed and was eager to return into slumber-land when Sylvia & Ryan said I was bleeding and they wanted to press my “Help I've fallen and can’t get up” button. I could see the blood on the carpet (which is almost blood colored anyway) and pooh-poohed that idea but when I got into bed; they could see that there was a significant gash under my little toe…And they pushed the panic button. A very short time later, I thought the circus had come to town; you know that small car with a seemingly endless line of emerging clowns? Except this was a seemingly long line of paramedics entering my room. In fact I asked if someone had dispatched the entire Akron Fire Department. There were actually only four but it seemed like a lot more. One guy was wrapping my wound until my foot looked like it belonged to Boris Karloff’s Mummy while another was asking me what health problems, other than a bleeding appendage, I had. What the other two were doing, other than laughing at my jokes, I have no idea. When the “Questioner” had finished he announced that they did not have room in their emergency vehicle for me and asked if I wanted them to call an ambulance or have my family drive me to the hospital. Later, when Ryan seemed indignant about their statement that there was no room for me I told him that was obvious since four had emerged from their truck but the rest of the clowns were still inside, putting on their makeup for the “Big Show”. I refused the ambulance (trying to do my part to reduce Medicare/Medicaid costs) and said my family could take me. Especially since they said they couldn’t get the stretcher down our hall and into the bedroom so I was going to have to walk into the living room anyway. Everyone kept worrying about the pain and I kept telling them that the only benefit of diabetes generated neuropathy was not being able to feel anything below my ankles (once it gets to be numb from my waist down, I’ll opt for Dr. Kevorkian’s beside manner). I must say that poor Sylvia had a tougher time than usual putting on my Frankenstein-like diabetic shoes because of the enlarged size of my heavily bandaged right foot. All eyes were surveying me with trepidation as I waddled into the living room and sat down in my over sized, motorized recliner. When they asked me what was wrong I lied to them and said that I just wanted to rest. The truth was that I wanted to wait until the masses got out of my way and I could make it unobstructed to our car…there were bodies everywhere and one guy even stopped in the door and asked if I wanted any help. I was nice and just replied, “No thank you” when I was actually thinking “No, just get the *&^#%$ out of my way you $@%^ Bozo!” I finally got to the car and breathed a sigh of relief until I realized that Sylvia was driving me to the Hospital. I promised her that if I wrote about this story (as she knew I surely would) that I would not relate how she ran a red light nor would I recount how, although delivering all of her children at St. Thomas, how she went the wrong way and even bypassed the entrance, so I won’t. When we got to the entrance, the policeman that helped us enter and directed us to the emergency room stated, “Good luck it is a real crowded night”. Seeing how long this story has become already and knowing how much more there is to tell, I feel this would be a good break point (Oh wow, had an old 501 flashback! This is an operations insider joke and you have to be older than dirt to get it so don’t feel bad if you don’t), so I’ll finish my tale next Monday in Part II.

Next week's 11-02-2009 (#146) title: Trip to St Thomas Emergency Part II